Dear Evolution (I’m gonna call you E.)
So E, I have some tough things I need to discuss with you. This might be hard for you to hear, but it is important that you listen with an open mind.
Before I get into it, I’ll start by saying some nice things.
So I’ll being with this: Opposable thumbs rock. Let me just say how much I enjoy my thumbs. I use them almost daily. Being able to easily grab stuff really makes my life much easier. It is almost effortless!
I cant imagine how hard it would be to text while driving with no opposable thumbs. I’d look like a real idiot!
I even have fond memories of being a a young boy and thinking how much I like thumbs. I’m not even exaggerating, here’s proof…
To sum up: Opposable thumbs = Major Awesomeness. So good job E.
I would also like to say how much I enjoy walking upright. Bipedal motility has proven to be quite a convenient mode of transportation over the years. It is yet another anthropological benefit that I use on almost a daily basis. (I’ll admit there was a time when I tried moving around on all fours, but I quickly gave that up when I saw how ultimately limiting it was.)
Having a pelvis that allows for this elegant upright movement was really a stroke of pure genius. Speaking for bipeds everywhere: Job well done E.
So E, above are 2 really cool things that I would like to thank you for. So thanks.
Now for the tough love (because you really screwed the pooch on this next one.)
Turns out it is largely your fault I have such a problem losing fat.
And I hate being fat, E.
Over 10,000 years ago we humans switched to a largely agricultural carbohydrate rich diet from our previous hunter / gatherer roots. This has led not only to us being shorter in stature, (average heights dropped from 5-foot-9 to 5-foot-3 for men) but we got fatter as calories went up and overall nutrition went down.
This was 10,000 years ago, E! 10,000 YEARS! C’mon! Can’t you make a few adjustments to compensate?
Then there’s the issue with leptin. You know, the hormone that signals the body that it is ok to lose fat. Nowadays when we diet to drop some fat this leptin hormone drops like a stone which signals our body to stop losing weight.
THAT JUST SUCKS E! Losing weight is a pain in the ASS and you’re not making it any easier.
I get it, I get it. I know that back in the day when there was potential famine around every corner this leptin body fat regulation thing was WAY dope (keeping us alive and stuff), but not anymore. I mean just look at what has become of us…
Do you realize how hard it has become to drop fat and get in shape? We have to work out several times per week (with a significant amount of intensity) plus watch what we eat. I know that we can trick leptin levels back up by incorporating a pre-planned cheat into our diets but still – would it kill you to help out a bit here? Again, it’s been 10,000 years since we started eating this way. Isn’t it about time?
Ok, that working out and eating right stuff is not ALL that tough, and I do not mean to fullyAll I’m looking for is a little help. Is that too much to ask?
So for now I guess I’ll stick with my brief yet intense workouts. I’ll watch what I eat and plan intelligent cheats to keep my leptin up. I can handle that.
That is until you get off your ass and fix things.
Thanks again for the thumbs and the walking upright though.
These are the thoughts of a frustrated trainer. Not me
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